Is it something you get from other people and the way they treat you?
Is it something you get from your job?
Something you get from your possessions?
Something you get depending on how you treat others?
This is what I think self esteem is...
This is adapted from an idea I came across in a video post from Dax Moy who is one of the top PT/Life Coaches in the UK, it makes a lot of sense to me and hopefully will hit home with you too.
Only through understanding why we act the way in which we act and understanding why we feel the way that we feel can we make positive choices and initiate the actions needed to live the life we truly want.
I see self esteem as being a bit like a bank account. The Self Esteem Bank Account.
Every time you set yourself a target or tell yourself you’re going to do something, or going to make some kind of positive change to your life then this becomes a potential credit or withdrawal to your bank account.
If you do what you have promised yourself that you are going to do then this becomes a positive credit to your self esteem bank account.
Each time you fail to act on, or live up to, the target which you have set yourself then this counts as a withdrawal from your self esteem bank account.
The people who consistently do what they set out to do and fulfil the promises that they make to themselves build up credits in their account; and therefore have high self esteem. You will know what this feels like - the confidence and all round good feelings associated with being in control of, and progressing with, your life in the way that you want to.
Build up a significant positive balance in your bank account and you will begin to feel as if you have the momentum to achieve ANYTHING you set your mind to!
Then there are the people who more often than not fail to live up to the targets and standards which they set themselves (this is something which I have dealt with through certain periods of my life.) This results in more withdrawals than credits and obviously a negative balance in your self esteem bank account. You may also know how this feels! It feels like you are failing, letting yourself down and are incapable of changing the parts of your life which you would like to change. Too low a balance in your self esteem bank account can even result in depression.
Now there are a hell of a lot of seemingly successful people who actually have low self esteem, and this can be as a result of setting themselves either too many or, more commonly, unrealistic targets and goals.
On the flip side of this; some people who seemingly have very little can have very high self esteem. These people are most probably staying true to themselves in the areas of their own lives which they see as important - and this is where their goals and targets are being met thus building up many credits in their account!
If you don't set yourself goals and targets then you don't have a chance to build up your credits and this is something we a need to do in order to progress our lives, better ourselves and ultimately be happy.
Make sure your goals and targets are specific to YOU and not things pushed upon you by others (or society in general.)
You will know deep down what is important in your life and important in terms of your beliefs and values. Set goals in these areas (it can be as simple as visiting certain relatives or friends more often, eating certain foods at certain times or may be as complex as climbing Mt. Everest within the next 5 years), make sure you can see a route to achieving your goals or make sure if they are a lot more complex and distant that you have enough desire to overcome the obstacles which you will have to encounter on the way! (these can be broken down into smaller goals)
A fantastic area to begin with is with your Diet and Training goals as this is an everyday thing. You are constantly making decisions to do with how you eat and how you exercise so you have a great opportunity to build up credits in your self esteem and build up some momentum which you can then transfer to other areas of your life in order to meet your goals in these areas!